Dark Night of the Soul, Business Style!
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Finding out who you are in business is some tough work, especially when you want to uplevel or change paths. I literally put a timer of 2 weeks on my business transformation. Graphic designer to business and life coach, easy peasy. Um, yeah…so that didn’t work so well. This isn’t a process to be rushed.

 Changing everything you are and have known is some hardcore shiz. Moving into your passion and calling is SO MUCH WORK. It is a good thing, but it is a process of working through your dark in order to let your light shine in the world.
I wasn’t prepared for the journey of discovery, letting go, frustration, it just wouldn’t come to me what I was meant to be. I knew I wanted to help others and to pivot into confidence and life coaching with an intuitive twist.
I know I am super spiritual and gifted, but I couldn’t release that to the world. I hid. Being different is not easy to put on stage. I also have hidden my health issues from almost everyone. In the end, I have to shine to be me.
No more. 2018 is the time to bloom into who I am meant to be. Easier said than done. I was blindsided by all that was to emerge in this journey.  Internally I fought to let go of my identity. 
At first glance, I figured I would sit down and work all of this out, and wallah, my business was figured out. It just wouldn’t come. Weeks, I spent WEEKS in nature, on a dock, in the woods, meditating and nothing. Zip. Nada.
Now I am a patient woman, but this was getting old. The funniest part of the whole thing is I was already what I was searching to become. She was in there way down deep. I didn’t get, at first.
I had to work through my shadows to the bare essence of who I really am. I had to peel back the layers to align and redefine my belief systems. Years of who I thought I was had been defined by some very unhealthy people and experiences that surrounded me and taught me a lot about my “truths”.
 I had to dig deep to find the falsehoods that were setting forth the blueprints for my current reality. Once found I could build my new role on a solid foundation with stronger beliefs.
This is a process I will go through for a very long time, but what I was trying to find was something new. Something shiny that I could just step into. How did other life coaches do it, did they just don this business suit of a super inspirational and obnoxiously cheerful coach? Nope.
It didn’t work like that. I had to polish the old. I had to do deep inner, spiritual work to restructure the basis of who I am. This is heavy stuff, at times. We quickly learn at a young age to suppress parts of our being that others deem unnecessary.
Fun, childish, frivolous, imaginative, all things that didn’t fit the mold of the outer world. As an adult, we stuff these parts in a sack and drag it around behind us, hiding the contents from the world.
How sad is this? We become masters at burying things deep that we have to really search for to uncover. I had to do this, I had to unearth years of dirt that accumulated to find the woman that I never was because I didn’t know I could be.
The dark night of the soul might be something you have heard of. This is a period in life where you feel you have hit absolute rock bottom and have nothing to lose. It is a very stripped bare feeling. It’s vulnerability on a whole different level. Pain is our way of ushering in the light, if there weren’t pain, we would be mighty comfortable staying where we are at.
If you can see it for what it is, this is actually a period of regrowth. Much like a forest fire, we have to be burned to the ground sometimes to grow to the next level. Old ways of being no longer serve us. The magic rub here is by doing this shadow work the light comes so much easier. Some coaches like to pretend their life is in order and they have all the answers based on straight up positivity.
I am here to tell you it doesn’t work that way, at least not for a coach I care to be led by. My mentor is scarred and well armored from the real battles she has fought. Some she has lost, many she has won. Following a warrior who has fought to see another day is much more important than one who has only read battlefield strategies, in my mind.
It can be painful as hell, but leveling up is NOT easy. It is discomfort. Just remember, growth is. You move into unchartered waters. This is how you grow into the human you are meant to be. You work with the dark and the light within you. 
We cannot only pretend everything is all light and positivity Law of Attraction style. I believe in the Law of Attraction, but what most people miss is it isn’t enough to spew positivity. We need to embrace our inner shadows and things we prefer to not look at.
This is how we make peace within, not by stuffing our issues or flaws deeper. Treating ourselves and uniting all the pieces into one.
This is how your business flourishes. Every time you think you are comfortable, a new growth experience happens. Embrace it and understand that the answers aren’t always forthcoming. It can take time. The more you work with your own shadows, the easier the light starts to come forth, feeling lighter.
If you are spiritual, like me, look around you. Meditate and focus on the answer. Pay attention to your dreams, journal and just let the words flow. It will come, just not always when you think or as fast as you desire.
Sit with your discomfort, feel all the feels, and let the process unfold. It will come. <3

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